if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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