Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize