I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
