why didn't you poke me back
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
