Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
