You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
