Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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