I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
