dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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