I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
