alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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