That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
