and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
