He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
