One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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