i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
