I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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