That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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