Umm I'm too high to move.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im about as happy as oj after his trial
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
