It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
