Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
