I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got inside last night via doggy door
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize