Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
