Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
