becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
