im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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