i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
