hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
