I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
