I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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