why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
