At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
