I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
