Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
