They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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