While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
love makes seman taste better
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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