I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
