WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
