I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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