i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
