i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
