My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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