i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize