She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
