I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
