Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
