Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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