I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
