the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
