Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
