so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
