i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We are all done wearing pants today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
