Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
