She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
