I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
