i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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