you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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