hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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