I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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