It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
