I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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