Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
