your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
