Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
