WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
