you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
