Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
