I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
