If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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