my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
