It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You can't motorboat a personality
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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