i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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